Past vs Future

Charmaine: Kev, will you marry me?

Kevin: ????

Charmaine: I said would you marry me?

Kevin: ????

He had just opened the door for her into his house, she was planning to move in with him when they came back from the holiday, but out of no where she had asked him that question. He didn't know how to respond. In normal circumstance it would have been him to ask her to marry him, and of course he had been tempted to ask that question a multi million times througout their time togetehr during the holidays. He wanted to say 'yes, of course i am willing to marry you', but somehow he couldn't. He felt that he was dreaming, is the girl of his dreams really asking whether he would marry him?

She stood there contemplating what had happen in Raymond's house, she had mixed feelings for him. She had though that she would hate him for what he had done to her, he had played her throughout their time together and she had lost herself trying to recover from the whole thing. But there was a small part of her that recognise his smell, his touch, his lips. There was a part of her that lingered onto what happened just now in his house. Instead of telling him off and moving on with her life, she had gone backwards. This was when Kevin opened the door and she blurted out the question. She didnt know why she said it. All she knew was that it was time to move on. Her life forward is with Kevin not Raymond. She needs to get away from the shadow of her formal self.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They had had passionate sex afterwards, she wanted to feel him and she needed to have him, but during the night when they were both suppose to be asleep the fire inside her didnt stop burning. The effect of Raymond's kiss had overpowered her beyond her imagination. She couldnt shake away his face, even with Kevin wrapped around her she couldnt stop thinking about him, their time together, their sunset boulevard, their laughter. She though she had recovered but in effect she was just hiding.

But what could she do? She and Kevin are going to get married, he had much to her delight said yes of course, and had afterward said that she had spoiled his romantic getaway plan and proposing to her, but of course he will marry her in a blink of an eye. But somehow deep inside her she was sad, she recognise the feeling, just like when she found out about Ray and Leila, the indescrible pain that goes right through the heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Hi Dad!, we have a good news for you. Me and Charmaine are going to get married'

Of course his dad was beeming with delight, Charmaine is the only women he had ever bought to meet his dad and he was finally willing to settle down, much to his delight. But the following events had happened way too fast. Kevin told this news to his dad over dinner in his house, just when Ray and Leila approach with his step mum (Leila's mum) from the entertainment room, they were all laughing at Ray who apparently did miserably in a dancing game. (which was wierd because when she first met him he could dance like michael jackson).

Kevin's dad: Hey Darling have you heard Kev and Charmaine are going to get married.

Somehow this news piece through Raymond's heart more painful then any heart surgery ever did. Leila looked across at Raymond and could see that he had gone pale, Leila promptly taking the hint and wanted to excuse both of them, and when Charmaine stopped them and asked her about good honeymoon places since she and Raymond has already went on theirs.

At this moment hell broke lose, everybody turned to Charmaine then to Leila.

Leila's mum: girl you are married to who?

Charmaine: To Ray of course? Didnt you know?

Kevin: Charmaine i think you must have been mistaken these two are nothing more then buddies.

Leila's mum: Yeah, no way would my precious daughter not tell me if she is married. Plus with Raymond no way! Where did you get that idea from?

At that moment Charmaine's mind just went blank, she had seen them in the house, the photos the clothes, what he said that she was the only one ever. She had heard the guard say that they were on their honeymoon, the guard had called them Mr and Mrs Lam. Suddenly she felt really sick, by now both of them had sat down on the table. Then she realised that they might be hidding their romance from everybody. Yes that must be it. Then she realised for the first time only Leila had a ring on her finger, Raymond didn't!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

bbrrrrr brrrr..... 'Meet you at the pier at midnight. You owe me an explanation. And i would be coming alone, i hope you do so too.'

He knew he shouldn't be going, but he couldnt resist seeing her again, the dinner was a torture, but he and Leila didnt know what to do apart from avoiding her gaze, meanwhile Kevin sensed that something was wrong but had to keep up the upbeat mode with his dad, and of course Leila's mum was busy chatting with her and warning her to never ever dare get herself married off without her permission for she would kill her instantly. (It could have been comical but he could sense that Charmaine was in deep pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Charmaine: you are early

Raymond: Yeah, just a bit, habit i guess.

Silence.......

Raymond: CONGRATULATIONS (TRYING TO FAKE A REALLY BIG SMILE)

Charmaine turns around and walks towards the pier and leans over the railing, the moon was bright and glowing.

Ray, let me tell you a story, about a year ago there was this girl who had just been headhunted to work back in HK, during her flight back home, it meet extreme trubulance and a pilot told her to keep her cool because he knew that his mentor would be able to get through it no matter how bad the weather was. The flight landed safely and they went seperate ways. 2 weeks later both of them met each other in a bookstore, maybe that was fate. They started going out and had a beautiful 6 months until things change all of a sudden, she caught him having an affair with another women. Then before she could get an answer the guy dissapeared, leaving no trace of whom he was or where he could be. For the next two months she tortured herself with all the alcohol she could drink and all the drugs she could lay her hands on. From a top class head hunted lawyer she dropped t nothing more then a drug addict to numb her heart and brain. Thank god she finally woke up. She had not anticipated to go into a relationship with another men so soon, but an angel came and saved her. He brought her light and peace and love once again. They had decided to get married. But then the girl found out that the first guy could not have cheated on her in the first place. What do you think the girl should do?

Raymond had no answer.

I think you owe me at the minimal an explanation.

Raymond stayed silent. He didn't know to say or what to do. He desperately wanted to tell her everything but remembered that his heart was far from fit and that Kevin would provide a way better life for her. Togerther with her he stared out into the ocean.

Charmaine its my turn to tell you a story. Once upon a time there was this boy, who was really mischeavious and could acheive nothin in his life. He and his brother was orphaned at a really yound age. He skipped school often and barely graduated from his piloting school, he started seeing the world as it was until one day he meet the love of his life in a bookstore. But god decided that maybe this kid has not done enough to deserve her and this was when he had to go away. He is sorry that he has cast so much pain of the girl and if he could he is willing to take all of those pain away in replace of his own happiness. But luckily the girl has since then found happiness and he feels happy for her. Its fate that they are not meant to be together. Now both of their lifes are no longer intertwined. With that he walked away

In the end Charmaine didnt get the answer she was looking for, but she let him leaved. At least she now knew that their love was true. But she had moved on. Raymond was the past, only Kevin was the future.

The moment

Their meeting was a surprise, both did not anticipate that moment would ever come again, both shocked at each others appearance. Never in the world would she expect that Kevin's step sister would be Leila, although he had occasionally talked about her because apparently she is entitled to inheritance as she is to be considered as part of the family, he never mentioned that it was Leila. She was siting on the couch when she stepped into the house, and she immediately knew why Ray loved her so much, she's jumply and bubbly and cheerful, there was this distinct and unique smile that seemed to be only owned by her. At first Leila did not see her, she was too indulged into hugging her mum and step dad and talking to them. It was only when she saw who Kevin was about to introduced that shocked her. The change in her face was very apparent, pure shock, when she was introduced as her girlfriend.


However what was to follow up was even worst, Ray having just recovered from the surgery was just walking behind Leila, being tired from the plane ride and having been con to carry her bag and her souveniors, he totally did not expect to see him. He somehow looked different, slimmer and fairer, but he still had that charm. She totally did not what to do, she turned to Kevin who was equally stunned.


To both of them they have never ever anticipate this, at least not the moment when they get back, both did not know what to do, Leila being the more clear-headed one immediately suggested that she needs to go and wash up before the meal. Of course the mum obediently agreed but the next question that came striked all of them.


"Who is this guy?"


Leila did not know how to answer, whatever she was about to say or going to say is going to suffer heavy consequences, she was stuned. Ray knew that it was time to step up, his health has not recovered fully yet, and even if it was he knew that there would be no going back, although he secretly had hoped that Charmaine still liked him, but the fact that she is at Kev's house already showed something.


"I am her ......."


"OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAP......... Ray come on i need to use take off these shoes.... follow me"


And with that they dissapeared into the second floor, Ray sneaking a glance at both of them who just starred plainly at each other.


Through dinner his identity was not asked again as more guest arrived and both Leila and Kev was keen to avoid each other but Charmaine could not contain her emotions, she did not know whether it was anger or love, but she wanted to ask Ray what happened. Everytime she was about to approach him, he was either dragged away by Leila or Kev stopped her. The night ended when she was sent home, their journey home was filled with silence, never before have they both been so quiet. Thoughs just come rushing to her mind, thoughts that included both Ray and Kevin, happiness and pain. She though that Ray was a thing of a pass, Kev was the future but she felt out of control. Kev witnessed her actions, he knew that she was disturbed and although that night they spend the night together, both of them knew that something has changed.


**********************


Days passed with nothing happening, they still talked on the phone routinely before and after work but somehow or rather they avoided seeing each other. Either she found and excuse or he was busy. She however needed to talk to Ray.



On the other hand Ray moved back to his home, Leila moved in with him but she stayed in the other room just like last time. He still need constant medication and rest. Although he looked normal he was technically still very weak. When the door bell ring he instinctively knew it was her, he did not know what to do. He could have pretended that he was not at home. But he knew that avoidance was not a cure.



Both of them were very awkward, when they settled down into the house, there was nothing to say, although she did try attempting to strike a conversation it did not seem successful. But he knew that the killer was coming soon.



Charmaine: 'Hows your married life? Leila is a good women, both of you look good...... when..."



Ray: i have something to tell you.... i still love you



'I still love you', 'I still love you', 'I still love you', those were the words that strike her head after and after again. She was just purely stun, for many times she had wished that he would say these words to her, for money dreams she hoped that Ray would come back and just by her side. But when he actually said it just now, the words somehow felt like arrows piercing right into her heart. She did not know how to respond.



She got up to leave, but he stoped her. She did not want to listen to his excuses, he seemed very unreal to her, suddenly he was actually scared of this man. Both of them were looking into each others eye, she was analysing him, she had hope to come to congratulate them, settled the pass and carry on with the future. But things are more messed up instead. He wanted to kiss her, and he did. She responded. For a second both of them lived in denial. The pass 6 months was nothing more then a bad dream.



Then she felt the ring that Kev gave her, the images of him in the hospital, the image of their trip around the world. The guilt that was beginning to bubble. She broke the kiss. All she could say was



'You shouldn't be doing this to your wife'



and she left.

Chapter 16: ...."cause i love you"

"How come you are here?"


"Cause i am psychic............. cause i love you"


Although she was glad to see him there and was very happy to hear him say those 3 words her initial reaction betrayed her. She still wasn't really ready to have him in her life yet. She awkwardly changed the subject to the weather. He felt her discomfort, but was determine to push forward.



"Charmaine, please..... please stop pushing me away, i don't care whether Ray is still in your heart, i do not need to own it 100% i would be satisfied with just 1%, because it means you have me, no matter how much i mean to you, you are still everything of mine"



He was grabbing her shoulders and starring straight at her by now, tears was starting to form, she didn't know how to react, but his following words changed her heart.



"What would have happened if the guy did not pull you out of you car in time? i might not have been able to see you, or tell to you anymore. Please just give me a chance, a chance to protect you, to love you, to care for you."



With that he pulled out a ring for her.



"Please at least give me this chance"



She starred back at him and smiled.



"Errrrmm..... are you going to just kill my shoulders or put on the ring for me?"



***********************

"Oi, so did you hear what the doctor said?"

"Yes, yes, yes omg you are so long winded, becareful that no one wants to marry you in the future"

"What happened to you marrying me???"

"Huh?? you think i had a brain op or a heart op? I swear i never said such thing, are you sure you are not thinking about Desmond?"

"Very funny, who was the one that kept teasing him that if he doesn't want me he would be the one that would marry me instead?"

"Haha you gotta be kidding right? You treat those kind of jokes as serious jokes?"

"LOL..... you don't have to be so scared i was only kidding.... who would fall for such a kid like you?"



Somehow his words pierced through her heart, she didn't know why she felt that way? Was she really mixing him up with Des? Or was she really falling for him? She was getting really confused herself.



***************************



People always said that happy times always fly by, she had to agree, since they left New York they decided to travel around, at first it was only US, then Kevin suggested hoping over to Europe, then he also wanted to explore Africa, they have been travelling non stop for more then 3 months. But she was very happy, Kevin loved her alot. He was very protective. He keeps saying that he would love her and only her forever. She never though that she could ever believe words from another man after the incident from Ray. But she did and because of this she actually began to despise Ray. For causing such pain.



But such thoughs were only instrumental. They only came when she was alone, which was rarely the case becuase Kevin was like super glue which was stuck to her permenantly, and she loved that feeling, she was scared that like Ray if she allowed too much freedom to Kevin he too, might change.

He was talking on the phone right now, she was wondering who was he talking to. He sounded very polite . She wondered whether it was a girl. After all he is wealthy, handsome and smart. Surely he must have a lot of admirers. She began to wonder why he actually liked her, after all shes just so normal. Was he playing with her? The phone call finally ended. She realise she was so fickle. One second she says that Kev loves her a lot but the next second her security levels are down the drain.

"Who was that? Was it a girl?"

Sensing her insecurity he decided to play a joke on her.

"Yeap it was, and also a very very pretty one"

"What did she want?"

"She asked me for a date."

"And did you agree to it?"

"Yeah, i did"

He is really playing her, her happy times are really about to end. She decided that no matter what she is not going to cry in front of him. But emotions were uncontrolable, she began to felt her eyes sting.

Suddenly he realised that he might have stepped over the line. He began to panick

"Hey i was only joking, it was my care taker. Please don't cry. You know you are the only one that i love now and forever. I promised myself that i would never ever want to see you cry ever again."

"You are so evil!!!! i hate you....... why are you laughing??"

"Because i know that you are jealous of my caretaker which means you love me"

"Evil!!!!!......by the way why did you caretaker call you??"

"Oh its my dads 60th Birthday next weekend we would have to go back to celebrate with him, plus i think its time that i show you to my dad"

"Hmmm...... well i think its about time that we call an end to this holiday as well."

**************************

Brrr Brr

"Wow Mum, what makes you call me??? You haven't done that in ages"

"How dare you even say that, you are the one that NEVER EVER CALL ME!!!, so where is my precious darling now?"

"In America, so what makes her royal highness pick up the phone?"

"Its ur step-dads 60th Birthday next week, i expect you to be home. You haven't been in Hong Kong for like 6 months already!!!!, the last time i spoke to you you told me you had an emergency and had to go to US!!!!, I don't care i want to see you next week k...... you know how much your uncle misses you"

"HAHA ok ok, since his royal highness misses me so much, her humble peasent would be honoured to make an appearance"

"Stop joking with me k, i am serious"

"Its my pleasure, ok mum i will come back no worries, but i gtg now, ttyl k, Bye"

As she put down her phone, Leila turned to Ray.

"Heiz.... mums asking me to go back, and i am not leaving you alone so.....you are coming along"

Miss you finally

"KEVIN!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! DID YOU REALISE THAT YOU JUST MADE THE COMPANY LOSE 10 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!.................... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU SIGNED THIS CONTRACT!!!!!!! IF YOU WEREN'T MY SON I WOULD HAVE FIRED YOU RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT!!!!!!!! GET OUT NOW!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU"

***************************************



4 weeks, 28 days, 672 hours, 40320 minutes, 2419200 seconds, the time that has passed since she walked out of his life. The numbers that represents her absence. The emptiness that was now his life.

Of course he have not given up on her with all the updates that he was constantly receiving for the body guard that he "hired for her". He didn't know why he did that, maybe it was becuase he did not want to lose "sight" of her, or maybe it was becuase he was scared that if he ever did totally let go she will forget him. But the called he received last night totally devastated him.

"Kevin......"
"Cha..........................."
"Please let me go......... please ask your man to stop following me......."
"I.....i..... ju....."
"i know you intend no harm...... but like i said i want to be alone...... i need time to be alone..... i need to do this alone. I know you love me. But if you really love me then let me go. Please do not make me hate you."

With that all he could do was stare at her picture, she accepted that his silence meant consent.

"if we are ever meant to be together we would meet again one day, somewhere in this world, maybe it would be Hong Kong, or Australia or England, as long as we are both alive and if theres fate we would be together one day, and that would be the day that i would be yours. Till then i hope we can let fate decide for us. Take Care Kevin. Bye"

The phone went silent, she did not even allow him a chance to say goodbye.


FATE??? whats fate??? He never believed in it, since the death of his mum he knew that he would need to strive for what he needs. Nothing is up to fate, he is fate. But this time he really did not have an answer to her. What should he do?



**************************



She was beginning to accept the fact that there was nobody there to rely upon anymore, she has to go through this herself, she no longer longed for the touch of Raymond, no longer yearn for his affection, no longer need him. She wants him but he is no longer her pinnicle for survival. Maybe it was just a illusion, a psycology button in her brain that has momentarily stopped working. But after 4 weeks of walking and seeing things she is really beginning to wake up.



Coming from a well to do family, she was always protected, even after she started working she was still the treasure of the family with a loving parents and a kind sister. That was probably also the reason why she fell so hard this time. She was always the player in previous relationships now shes the one that is being played. She could no longer differentiate whether she actually loved Ray that much or was it because she was angry. Whatever it is she has come to the conclusion that he was not as important to her as 4 weeks ago.



************************

"The operation is very successful, we have done a bypass and the clockaged has been reduced significantly, he should be awake very soon. But he should be careful as there is always a chance that his heart might stop working. He needs to take care of himself"



Seeing him laying there with all the incubators and all the masks marks the resemblances of Desmond. The way she was helpless in saving him, the way all she could do was cry, the way she could only see him suffocate and torture. These few weeks had been a roller coaster for her, with Raymon drifting in and out of conciousness and going in and out of the OT, she had returned to how it was 2 years ago. Each time he went in she was so scared that he would not come out. Each time he came out alive she was scared that he would not survive the next few days.



At the same time she seems to have developed something more of friendship for Ray, she realised that she was more worried then a normal friend would be. Was she getting it mixed up with Des? Is this a continuation of des? Second chance with the love of her life?



*****************************



Without noticing she is revisiting all the countries that Ray often flew, at least all the countries in which Ray bought her one of the small gifts, her freedom was total she could be in China one day and in France the next. She had no burden all she felt was the freedom she needed, the freedom to be excused from Torture.



And today she just reached New York, unlike the normal tourist, she never ever shops, she prefers to sight see, and of course in New York she would go to Niagara falls. She rented a car and began her journey, enjoying the cold autumish wind in the air. The scene was breath taking it was definately worth the drive. And since she was so near Canada why not drive there too?



*************************



The incident occured too fast, way too fast for her to remember what exactly happened all she knew was that she was lucky to be brake intime and that the Mercedes Airbag did actually come into use. She got off more likely then anticipated and someone dragged her out of the rumble that exploded within seconds for the cars in the collision. She was send to the hospital to recover from shock. She had to stay overnight. Suddenly she felt very lonely. She was tempted to call Kevin. But she felt bad, she was always the one saving her and just a month ago she had told him to leave her alone. Thus she decided to force herself to sleep instead.



************************



"Wei, omg you are finally awake!!!!, Can you stop being such a pig?? Do you know that i get bored"

"Haha.......... ouch..... stop making me laugh .... it hurts.... well at least i survived another time"

"Don't worry the doctor said that you are ok right now, you are luckier then those who were in the car crash down the highway this morning, 8 dead 3 wounded, cars were burned down to rubbles"

"Well, i guess i live another day for you to nag haha..... now get me out of this i feel like going down to the field"



As fate would have if you are destined to be together you would meet whereever you are in the world, but if you are not destined to be together even if you are at the same place at the same time you would not meet, he felt her presence, he heard her voice but he though it was just his illusion, maybe he missed her too much. He was always dreaming about her when he drifted in and out with the anasthetic. As fate would have it they missed each other by inches, she was there, just as she entered into the lift he turned into the hallway.

*************************

When she stepped out into the field she could not believe her eyes, she though that she was hallucinating, but Kevin was standing there, right in front of her. Smiling at her just like the normal old Kevin. She smiled back. Not believing that it was true. They did actually meet. She actually missed him, finally.

Chapter 14: Forget about me

When she did finally wake up, she though that Kevin had left, when she took at her snoopy clock (the one Ray gave her) it was already near 11am, which meant that she was late for work, she contemplated to call in sick, she was not ready to face him yet, but when she stepped out of her room Kevin was there preparing breakfast for her.


It was kinda awkward between the both of them, Kevin knew that what happened last night was purely the devil of the alcohol, thus no matter how desperately he wanted it to be true, it was nothing more then a dream. She obediently sat down and ate what he cooked, she had no appetite, but had nothing to say to him so she ate obediently and he was scared to start a conversation for the fear that she might crush the tiniest of his hopes, both of them sat through the morning's breakfast in silence.



Back at her office, she totally could not concentrate, in her heart Raymond was still alive, he was everywhere, when she tried to read a document, the pen holder next to the files would remind her of him. When she tried typing a letter their photograph would remind her of him. Even when everything related to him was put into the drawer he was still there, Ray was in the air that she was breathing in. There was no way she could get rid of him. Miriculously she picked up the phone and dialed Ray's number, only to find that it had been cut off. Suddenly she panicked, was this actually going to be true? Had he really left? She couldn't hold back any longer and decided to check it out herself, she had to go to his house.


When he saw her leaving the office in such a hurry, he got kinda worried, he began to wonder what she was up to, had Ray called back? He followed her. When he turned into the fimiliar street, he realise that she was going to find him, yesterday night was really indeed a dream after all. Part of him wanted Ray to be there so that Charmaine could be happy but the other part of him wanted Charmaine to be his. Worried about her he followed her into the building. She rang the door for ages, and nobody answered it, she began shouting, demanding to see him, until the security guard came and the words came thrashing upon her


"Mr & Mrs Lam had gone on their honeymoon on a cruise on the caribbean, Mr Lam left 2 days ago and Mrs Lam came back yesterday to pack all their belongings. She said that they ain't going to be back for quite some time"


HONEYMOON!!!!! Her tears were just uncontrollable, suddenly a figure loomed, dreamingly she though it was Ray and spoke out his name only to realise that it was Kevin


" This time he really had left me, for real, once and for all"

*********************************

"The patient's operation was a success but we found out that the left side of his heart has started to swell up as well. Further surgery may be needed"

*******************************

The next few weeks of her life was a blur, she totally could not concentrate at work and had resorted to staying at home to rot, she did not want to talk to anybody or see anybody and did not go out at all, and apart from Kevin who frequented her house and taking care of her daily needs, she saw nobody else. She did not want him to visit, and had tried to force him out of her life but he kept coming back, thus she resorted to hiding in her own room when ever he came.



He knew that she was not eating properly, for everytime he came up with a new batch of grocerries he almost had to throw away everything he bought the time before, but he always noticed the empty beer and wine bottles piling up in the trash. One time he got so worried after seeing an empty bottle of pills and cans laying on the table that he immediately went to her room, when he found it shut he kicked the door hard to force it to open, he found her lying on her bed crying, thank god, at least she was alive, he didnt know why he did it but he too climbed up onto the bed and hugged her. She did not resist and in fact turned around to cry even louder.

**********************************

"The pacemaker although doing its job its not really saving him, his left side is 85% blocked, he needs a bypass, and if that doesn't work he needs a new heart"

*********************************

She didn't know for how long they were there for, but the next thing she knew was that she was back at home on her own bed and Kevin was crouched on her dressing table sleeping. Her head felt really heavy, she must have gone mad drinking again, she really began to despise herself. Her alcohol consumption for the pass two months must have been more then her whole entire life. It was definately a time to call stop. Plus it was late in the middle of the night and she couldn't fall back asleep. It was time for her to wake up.


When he woke up to find her missing his heart missed a skip, he automatically ran out of her room only to find her glaring out of her balcony. She was crying again, and once again he felt sorry for her, he began to question whether she would ever feel happy ever again. Did Ray actually have such a big impact of her?


She heard him coming out.....


Charmaine: I am leaving this place


Kevin: ....a........

Charmaine: Its really time to wake up, i apologise for all these trouble that i have caused you, but its really time for me to wake up...................

Kevin: aa...re u alright?

Charmaine: Exactly one year ago at this time i bumped into him on a flight back to HK, he was the pilot and was out for a rest at the cabin crew area before the plane started to hit tubulence and he sat next to me and calmed me down. Fate had it that we would meet again and developed this relationship but it was probably's fate's idea of testing how strong i could be when it ended. I have failed the test and i would need time to recover from it but from now on i would be strong.

Kevin: Where are you going to go?

Charmaine: i dunno i was planning to tell you then pack and board the next plane that departs from HK, which could be Japan or Europe or even Africa, i will leave it up to gods will. I am sorry i can no longer help you in your business. You were a nice boss and a better friend, i hope that we will be friends forever

Kevin: Ok, i get it, when you coming back?

Charmaine: i dunno, maybe next week, maybe next month or maybe never, we will just leave that up to god's wishes.

Shes, leaving? OMG shes leaving, what am i going to go? Plane ride? wasn't that the one that i was on as well, the one that had so bad trubulence that everyone of us though that we were going to die? Can i go with her?

Kevin: Char.... can can i go..........

Chamaine: Kev its time for me to stand up alone, if i keep relying onto you i would never ever be able to stand up alone again...... please undertsand........

Kevin: Promise me that you would call me..............

Charmaine: i will try..............

He went over to her and hugged her

Kevin: I will wait for you...... so please come back, no matter what i will wait... i swear

**************************************

"The Opeartion is a success, but there was a complication, there was a time where his heart had stopped for more then a minute and the pace maker could not revive him, he might therefore be in a coma. Whether he wakes up or not is totally depended on himself"

*************************************

He sent her to the airport with only her back pack and she forbidded him to go in with her, she did not want anybody to know where shes going, she needed time to be alone and maybe this trip will her realise that theres more out there in the world then Raymond. He desperately wanted to follow her but the earlier conversation struck her

Charmaine: Kev... you are a good man.... i know you love me.... but i do not deserve your love for at this moment i can't love you back, even in the future i might not be able to do so, thats how hard Ray has actually hurt me, i have changed. So don't wait for me...... just let me go......... if you love me, then forget about me

Chapter 13: Betrayal

Betrayal

~ Love is whatever you can still betray ... Betrayal can only happen if you love. ~

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Doctor: i am fear the worst that we have anticipated have happened



Leila: Yoo.....u...... mean that hes going to go?????? BUT I though you said he at least had a few more months before his heart will totally fail?????



Doctor: His heart for the moment is still working, i am going to put in a pace maker to make sure that it won't stop, but that won't last long he has to go to US to do the operation



Leila: But with his condition right now, you said that he won't be fit enough to handle it, his body won't be able to recover from it



Doctor: Well we have no choice now, i am going to make the arrangements necessary for the trip to US, i am afraid you will have to go with him. He consented to you being his medical proxy if he did ever fall into such a critical condition, so its up to you to make the decision now



Leila: OK, when should we go then



Doctor: I shall arrange for him to fly tommrow, btw he told me to give this to you, if this ever happens



Leila: ok ok whatever you say, i just hope that he recovers asap

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Oi! Haha, if you are reading this letter right now it probably means i am dying and i can't talk to you anymore, well i hope i have done what needs to be done. If i do die just let Charmaine think i am a Bastard, don't ever tell her what happened to me, she would be happier without me in her life.

Secondly if i do die please bury me next to Des i miss him :) PLUS i don't want you to have to go to two places everyyear right ;)

last but not least i made a will, you shall be my estate excutor, the lawyer would tell you what my plans ar. Sorry to have to trouble you again, hope this will be the last time i would have to trouble you ever again

Love:Ray

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She could no longer hold back her tears, 2 years ago Desmond left speechless, Raymond made sure he did not make the same mistake of Des, he made sure that he had everything of his sorted out. Plus it was typical of him, he needs to make sure that everybody was happy and settled before he could leave, She felt that she has an obligation to save him. She know that they would be coming back together. BOTH OF THEM.

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Whilst sitting in his office Kevin felt really really pissed, he was just scolded by his so called sister for the mismanging of a sale and purchase contract which could have cost the company at least $1 million dollars as well as the reputational lost. His sister was however lucky enough to stop it from going through before his dad killed him, and as a result he received a blast from her right in front of everyone. However he was also worried at the same time, the document was suppose to be prepared by Charmaine and that he know that she would never ever make such a mistake, and when he found out that Charmaine actually did not do it but instead was given to another lawyer from her team to do it he found it even more wierd, since she was a very responsible person and that she would not do that.

Plus she was not answering her phones and no one from the office was seems to be able to contact her. He tried calling "their" office only to find that no one was picking up the phone. He decided to make a trip to her home, and found that no one was at home. He began to really really worry. But he had a dinner appointment with a client so he decided to come back again to look for her after that.

***********************************

She felt cheated, used and decieve. It was the first time in her life that she invested so much upon one person, wait...... not invested because with an investment you aimed for a return. She had loved him, she had wanted to be with him forever and ever, have kids, grow old, and see them marry. But NO!!!!!! HE CHEATED HER FEELINGS!!!! She totally did not know what to do. The rational her told herself that she had to live a life which is better without him....... prove to him that she did not needed him.

BUT HOW?? she did need him, she wants him, she dare not call him for the sake that the other women might actually pick up the phone, she dare not wait outside his house for the fact that she feared that she might see them together, she needed to talk to him in person and ONLY HIM. She therefore texted him

" I need to talk to you, see you tommorow at 8pm at our place"

But he did not turn up, she had waited the whole night, He had dumped her. He had seriously left.

For the first time in her life she seriously felt like getting drunk, she really did not want to have any feelings for all the feelings that are left in her heart are sadness, pain and torture. She needed to get herself happy. She decided to go clubbing, of course with her looks and a bit of make up she had no problem attracting attention, she danced the night away and at the extreme level even got some drugs off this junkie, it was nothing that bad just some mild heroin, which one course made her happy.

On the other hand the guy though he had landed on a catch tonight and proceeded to bring her home when he suddenly felt a jerk and as well as a punch that left him sprawling on the floor.

******************************

He saw her drunk and with a guy that had bastard written on his forehead, he didn't know why but his initial reaction was that he had to save her, and save her he did, he punched him and dragged her away and buzzed off in his car. In the car Charmaine was laughing like mad, she seemed happier then usual and this was beginning to worry him, he decided to send her home and when she realised that she attempted to jump out from the car. He was really scared he had never ever seen her like this before. But decided on the better side to send her home.

When they finally reached she wouldn't get out of the car, he had to practically dragged her out and carry her to her flat, the security guard was looking at him wierdly. But atlast they reached the house, he fiddled around her bag for the key and when they were finally in, he settled her on the bed and went to get a hot towel.

When he returned she was missing, the door closed with a loud bang and suddenly she was kissing him.

Kevin: Charmaine you are drunk, you dunno what you are doing

Charmaine: I totally know what i am doing, i know you always wanted to have me all along and tonight i am giving myself to you and you don't want me?

Kevin: I love you.......... But....... we shouldn't be doing this......

Charmine: Shuttup, if you want me to be happy then just do as i say

Kevin resisted at first he knew that whatever that was going to happen tonight ain't real, but the temptation was too strong, he could no longer resist her, he wanted to be with her, to be inside her, to hold her.

*********************************

Although she was a bit high she knew what she was doing, in her heart she needed someone to appreciate her, she wanted to be loved, wanted to prove that what Ray did for leaving her for another women was wrong. But on the other hand she also wanted the person to be Ray, instead of Kevin, she knew that if she continued there would be no going back, but Ray had left there was nothing to go back to.

*********************************

In the dark he could see her perfect body curve, although it was hidden under the duvet he could still feel her, she had drifted off to sleep, but he had stayed awake for he knew the dream would soon be over. The whole time he had not let go of her, he hugged her so that she could feel safe, feel loved and feel secure. He knew that it would be morning soon and that she probably would not remember what happened last night because she was so drunk, but how he hoped that at that moment the time would actually freeze by itself. How he wished that all this could be real.

********************************

His hands provided security, it was strong and safe. But they weren't Ray's, she could feel his breath breathing down onto her neck and his heart pumping onto her back, she could not see him but she figured that he would be asleep. She dare not move for the fear that she might wake him up. She didn't know what had gone into her last night, but she certainly had not predicted this outcome. She still felt sad about Ray's Betrayal, but out of a sudden she felt even worst for what had happened last night. Now not only was Ray the Betrayer but so is she, she had betrayed herself as well as Kevin, and with that she could only respond with a tear that rolled down her cheek.

Chapter 12: Pain

Brr.... Brr.....

The message came as the biggest shock to her life

"Stop messing around Raymond hes mine."
She was pretty sure that it was a joke, plus the number was privated which means she did not know who send it to her, it could have been a pranked.
But the following one confirmed it all
"If you do not believe come to his house tonight, WE will be there"

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Leila did not tell Raymond what she did, she knew that he would be in too much pain to do it, he would not have the heart to do it, he has gotten pale and sick over this subject matter and was not eating and sleeping properly which was not good for his condition. It was his off day but Leila convinced him to tell Charmaine otherwise. Just when the sun was about to set she broke the news. He didn't know why he was not angry with her, the feeling was more of relieve and sadness, he finally HAD to let go. It was time. He promised to follow her plan. She did not know why she went to his house. He had told her that he was on a flight to Europe today, and was not going to be back until mid of next week. But his lights were on. He could see movements inside the house, in fact a shadow just moved in and away from the windows, she knew it was not him, the figure was petite, small and slender. Leila saw the car, it was time, plan in action................................

Although it was an old trick, it was still one of the best becuase it was bound to break a womens heart no matter how strong she was. No women on earth could tolerate her man cheating on her. But the best of all was to make sure that she had to feel unwanted. They purposely left the door unlocked and left a trail of their clothing, front door to window back to room......When she got to the door it was not locked, and inside there were some intimate sounds of kissing and banging of furniture, she didn't know why her foot stuck to the ground and her anger was boiling. She opened the door, she recognised raymond's coat, a pair of new man's shoes, women's stockings, heels. Laughter were coming out of the door, she heard them, she peeked into the gap, he was on top of her stroking her hair

Ray: You are so pretty normally, but in bed you are the goddess

Leila: Yeah, i bet you say this to every other women you bed

Ray: Hey you know that all the others are just proxies, we are the one that is set up by god, how many times have we hooked up and broke up?

Leila: Lets see since 16, on average we break up and hook up every half year so that makes about 8 times.... haha

Ray: Laugh somemore, you are always the one tormenting me, i never actually find the right girl that can take your place, they all suck

Leila: stop lying i heard from uncle that you were going out with this lawyer

Ray: Her!!! OMG, shes another one of those i can easily find in Lan Kwai Fong, she things i love her from all those small small things i do for her, but she does not realise i pay Janet to organise them for me. Shes so naive, so much for her being a lawyer.

Leila: Then how is she in bedRay: You don't actually think that i will bed someone i do not love at all?? DEAR I AM VERY LOYAL. Actually no its just that i love you too much to bed another women, you know they are all just a pass time flings for me.

Leila: How can i prove that

Ray: This is how i can prove it

Her moan, was one of satisfaction, she could not stand it any longer, yes they have never done it, but that was because she though he respected her, she wanted to keep the moment for their marraige. She felt betrayed, stupid and naive. How could she have believed in this man. The sounds in this house were getting louder, she could not stand it. She ran out into the living room, she halt at the rack in the living room, she did not realise that there were these extra photos, she finally saw who it was, the photos were in chronological order, from kids to teenagers, to lovers, to adults........ in all the photos she saw another side of Raymond a happy-go-lucky raymond, they were really sweet. She saw a Raymond that never existed in her life before, the Raymond that was never hers to begin with

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By now Raymond was tearing, lying on top of her, he just had to cry, she felt awkward, but she dare not move, after all he was still topless, but he was sad, the moaning and groaning noises had stopped it was actually recorded anyway, and was surprise that Charamine actually felt for it. It sounded so fake anyway. She hugged him to make him to try to make him feel better but all of a sudden Raymond stopped. He laid lifeless on top of his. With all her might she pushed his over.